How important is communication during sex?
Now, don't laugh. First read this then laugh or giggle or nod or shake your head or whatever, but really think about this for a moment. When you're hot and heavy in the moment, are you capable of communicating with your partner? Now, no... I'm not talking about the water bill or something you forgot at the grocery store, or even that Stan is cheating on his wife. What I am talking about is are you and your partner “telling” one another what you need or want during the special moments you can manage to find together?
It doesn't always have to be by word of mouth either, it can be a simple look along with you taking his/her hand in yours and guiding it to where you'd like it to be at that moment. If you can manage speech then tell him/her what you want. It's important, so very important. Why?
Well that's easy. The answer is because if you don't say anything your needs, wants, desires, aren't being met and that ultimately leaves you unsatisfied and that leads to an underlying resentment towards your partner and you don't want that. Believe me. Sure, you can go a time or two or three or perhaps years of never telling your partner what you desire during the heat of the moment, but keep putting it off and believe me, it'll build and build and before you know it, the very act of having sex with that person becomes a chore, not an experience you're looking forward to, or one you even enjoy any longer.
All due to communication. Yep, sexual tensions heat up, needs aren't being fulfilled and hello stranger, how about a night of fun!? If you aren't communicating with your chosen sexual partner, the sex goes downhill super fast and as humans, we are a needy bunch. If we aren't getting pleasure in on or around the bed, living room, dining room, shower, hell even the backseat of a car, we are going to find it some place else. That is called: Cheating.
Loss of communication between you and your partner, about sex, of sex, during sex, can lead to that ultimate crime that will, under most circumstances, break your union up. NO? Come now...(Not literally! Goodness just hold up here.) Think about it. If you're not getting what you so desperately want from your lover, be it thrown up against the wall and groped, kissed until you're dizzy and panting with need, or bent over the living room couch, perhaps a spank or ten? Oh, or how about the cuffs and a blindfold? You want to try something new you say? Yet you're afraid to approach your lover about it because s/he is a gentle vanilla lover and you're scared s/he'll think you've lost your ever loving mind...Your needs are NOT being met. There is a loss of communication right there.
Let's start off a score card, shall we? The card has ten stars. We get a new card each time the big event takes place. For each need, want, desire that is met, we mark a star. Lets go down the line okay?
1- Body tingling in anticipation?
2- Foreplay leaves you panting and begging?
3- Kissing you breathless?
4- All the right areas are being groped?
STOP....You've been wanting to feel a strong hand hold your wrists above your head, rendering you helpless as your lovers experienced mouth devours you. You've been wanting to be felt up and down, not gently but not too harshly either. You want your partner to show you without words who is in control.
5- The initial act happens and that's that.
Okay....now comes the clean up. But wait....Dammit! Okay, so your partner couldn't read your mind that time either. There's always next time right? I suppose you can buy the latest story with the strong alpha character and read as s/he does all the right things to his/her lover and pretend that it's you.
YAY, lover is in the mood again. Score card out? GREAT...we have to start over don't forget.
Repeat steps 1-4...you're sure your mind is being read then step 5 happens. UGH! You even put your hands above your own head and s/he did not read that sign. I guess that's not the proper sign to have your lover “bind” you during the act? I dunno. Whichever, what's done is done. OH! Look, another book was released and you find yourself getting lost in the characters and once again pretending its you. Only in this book you have learned something new that you'd like to try. Let's say you want to tie your partner up, ankles and wrists to the bedposts, blindfold perhaps? How much fun to have that ultimate control over their body and of their release. You can't wait for the right time.
Right time is here!! YAY...you have the proper tools in the nightstand drawer, you have your score card and you're ready to make it to ten. Step 1 has gone down a bit, not your fault, it's left over frustration. Step 2 would be the perfect time to introduce your toys of pleasure, right? Get them all hot and panting...you reach over to get what you need and you're stopped. “What are you doing? Don't stop now.” Heh. Don't stop now? There goes that card. You don't want to disappoint after all. And since you can't find your tongue to say anything, you're on step five before you know it.
This is repeated for... lets say a year...Life does have a habit of getting away from one at times. You've read so many books, you want to try so many things, you're almost sure that the small chat you managed to have with your lover would open their eyes right? I mean you did say: “Don't you think it'd be fun to use cuffs and a blindfold?” Right? “With the feather?” And your lover said sure sure whatever.
WHEE..now's the time. The card is out, tools ready...step 1 is back, step 2? What was that? Steps 3 and 4 are long forgotten and five minutes later you're lying there rolling your eyes and thinking of what to make for dinner the next night.
Watch it, life will slip away again...Score cards are torn up, you go to bed later and later and before you know it... You're applying to become a nun.
All of that could have been avoided if you would have said: “This is what I want to try...This is what I need...This is what we should try to see if it's for us. Let's just try it out and see.”
Communication isn't only important out of the bed...it's as important in it.