How important is communication during
sex?
Now, don't laugh. First read this then
laugh or giggle or nod or shake your head or whatever, but really
think about this for a moment. When you're hot and heavy in the
moment, are you capable of communicating with your partner? Now,
no... I'm not talking about the water bill or something you forgot at
the grocery store, or even that Stan is cheating on his wife. What I
am talking about is are you and your partner “telling” one
another what you need or want during the special moments you can
manage to find together?
It doesn't always have to be by word of
mouth either, it can be a simple look along with you taking his/her
hand in yours and guiding it to where you'd like it to be at that
moment. If you can manage speech then tell him/her what you want.
It's important, so very important. Why?
Well that's easy. The answer is because
if you don't say anything your needs, wants, desires, aren't being
met and that ultimately leaves you unsatisfied and that leads to an
underlying resentment towards your partner and you don't want that.
Believe me. Sure, you can go a time or two or three or perhaps years
of never telling your partner what you desire during the heat of the
moment, but keep putting it off and believe me, it'll build and build
and before you know it, the very act of having sex with that person
becomes a chore, not an experience you're looking forward to, or one
you even enjoy any longer.
All due to communication. Yep, sexual
tensions heat up, needs aren't being fulfilled and hello stranger,
how about a night of fun!? If you aren't communicating with your
chosen sexual partner, the sex goes downhill super fast and as
humans, we are a needy bunch. If we aren't getting pleasure in on or
around the bed, living room, dining room, shower, hell even the
backseat of a car, we are going to find it some place else. That is
called: Cheating.
Loss of communication between you and
your partner, about sex, of sex, during sex, can lead to that
ultimate crime that will, under most circumstances, break your union
up. NO? Come now...(Not literally! Goodness just hold up here.) Think
about it. If you're not getting what you so desperately want from
your lover, be it thrown up against the wall and groped, kissed until
you're dizzy and panting with need, or bent over the living room
couch, perhaps a spank or ten? Oh, or how about the cuffs and a
blindfold? You want to try something new you say? Yet you're afraid
to approach your lover about it because s/he is a gentle vanilla
lover and you're scared s/he'll think you've lost your ever loving
mind...Your needs are NOT being met. There is a loss of communication
right there.
Let's start off a score card, shall we?
The card has ten stars. We get a new card each time the big event
takes place. For each need, want, desire that is met, we mark a star.
Lets go down the line okay?
1- Body tingling in anticipation?
2- Foreplay leaves you panting and
begging?
3- Kissing you breathless?
4- All the right areas are being
groped?
STOP....You've been wanting to feel a
strong hand hold your wrists above your head, rendering you helpless
as your lovers experienced mouth devours you. You've been wanting to
be felt up and down, not gently but not too harshly either. You want
your partner to show you without words who is in control.
5- The initial act happens and that's
that.
Okay....now comes the clean up. But
wait....Dammit! Okay, so your partner couldn't read your mind that
time either. There's always next time right? I suppose you can buy
the latest story with the strong alpha character and read as s/he
does all the right things to his/her lover and pretend that it's you.
YAY, lover is in the mood again. Score
card out? GREAT...we have to start over don't forget.
Repeat steps 1-4...you're sure your
mind is being read then step 5 happens. UGH! You even put your hands
above your own head and s/he did not read that sign. I guess that's
not the proper sign to have your lover “bind” you during the act?
I dunno. Whichever, what's done is done. OH! Look, another book was
released and you find yourself getting lost in the characters and
once again pretending its you. Only in this book you have learned
something new that you'd like to try. Let's say you want to tie your
partner up, ankles and wrists to the bedposts, blindfold perhaps? How
much fun to have that ultimate control over their body and of their
release. You can't wait for the right time.
Right time is here!! YAY...you have the
proper tools in the nightstand drawer, you have your score card and
you're ready to make it to ten. Step 1 has gone down a bit, not your
fault, it's left over frustration. Step 2 would be the perfect time
to introduce your toys of pleasure, right? Get them all hot and
panting...you reach over to get what you need and you're stopped.
“What are you doing? Don't stop now.” Heh. Don't stop now? There
goes that card. You don't want to disappoint after all. And since you
can't find your tongue to say anything, you're on step five before
you know it.
This is repeated for... lets say a
year...Life does have a habit of getting away from one at times.
You've read so many books, you want to try so many things, you're
almost sure that the small chat you managed to have with your lover
would open their eyes right? I mean you did say: “Don't you think
it'd be fun to use cuffs and a blindfold?” Right? “With the
feather?” And your lover said sure sure whatever.
WHEE..now's the time. The card is out,
tools ready...step 1 is back, step 2? What was that? Steps 3 and 4
are long forgotten and five minutes later you're lying there rolling
your eyes and thinking of what to make for dinner the next night.
Watch it, life will slip away
again...Score cards are torn up, you go to bed later and later and
before you know it... You're applying to become a nun.
All of that could have been avoided if
you would have said: “This is what I want to try...This is what I
need...This is what we should try to see if it's for us. Let's just
try it out and see.”
Communication isn't only important out
of the bed...it's as important in it.
